The Return Of Sathington Willoughby
Fellow colleges, distinguished members of the press, ladies
And gentlemen:
I would like to take this opportunity to personally and humbly thank
Each and every one of you for joining us at this particular event.
It is my hope that we can utilize this meeting of the minds to
Successfully convey the essence of our platform to you, a grand and
Noble audience.
As I look out among the faces, I reflect, taking console in the words
Of franklin delano roosevelt who said, we have nothing to fear but
Fear itself.
Paranoia is a disease unto itself, and may I add, the person standing
Next to you, may not be who they appear to be, so take precaution.
A mind is a terrible thing to waste, this is true any a young person
Has fallen prey, to the substances that alter the perspective of any
Right thinking individual.
The problem with the youth today is, because of their inexperience
With the world, they cannot attempt to grasp the ideals, set forth by
Myself and those who preceded me.
But, as history has shown, they will come around, and embrace our
Philosophies and become model citizens in their own right, God bless
[...] Read more
song performed by Primus
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
Mrs. Blaileen
Mrs. blaileen - she was a sixth grade teacher
And she controlled the children
By using humiliation.
The target always seemed to be donny.
He was a bit slower than the others.
When he was quite young
His mother died at the kitchen table
While choking on some food.
The fashion of the day
Was bleach and tied levi's.
Donny decided to make some,
But he didn't know to rinse them.
So he came to school a reekin'.
Bleach stenched filled the classroom.
Mrs. blaileen began to chastise.
She made him feel like an asshole
Two feet small.
Oh what a lonely boy.
Don and ronald
They always stuck together
[...] Read more
song performed by Primus
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
Pressman
By the light of the lamp I sit to type
my notes on tab at my side.
I don't see the sun much these days,
a fluorescent tan covers my hide.
How much impact shall I have this time?
My goal today is to reach the deadline.
I write between the lines. I deal with fantasy.
I report the facts. Give them to me, please.
Ham and egg salad on white bread...
keeps me company on nights like this.
A pack of mentholated cigarettes....
keeps my air nice and thick.
When I write, words flow like coins from a candy box.
Get out of my way. I've got something to say!
The pulse is beating louder now.
The cramps in my hands grow more intense
with each tik, tik, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap on the keys.
My social life is at an end so it seems to be.
Why don't I trample on your lawn today?
I'll take skies of blue, turn over old skies of grey.
[...] Read more
song performed by Primus
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
Tommy The Cat
I remember as it were a meal ago
Said tommy the cat as he reeled back to clear whatever foreign matter
May have nestled its way into his mighty throat. many a fat alley rat
Had met its demise while staring point blank down the cavernous barrel
Of this awesome prowling machine. truly a wonder of nature this urban
Predator. tommy the cat had many a story to tell, but it was a rare
Occasion such as this that he did.
She came slidin down the alleyway like butter drippin off a hot
Biscuit. the aroma, the mean scent, was enough to arouse suspicion in
Even the oldest of tigers that hung around the hot spot in those
Days. the sight was beyond belief. many a head snapped for double,
Even triple, takes as this vivacious feline made her her way into the
Delta of the alleyway where the most virile of the young tabbys were
Known to hang out. they hung in droves. such a multitude of
Masculinity could only be found in one place... and that was
Omalleys alley. the air was thick with cat calls (no pun intended)
But not even a muscle in her neck did twitch as she sauntered up into
The heart of the alley. she knew what she wanted. she was lookin
For that stud bull, the he cat. and that was me. tommy the cat is my
Name and I say unto thee...
[...] Read more
song performed by Primus
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
Harold Of The Rocks
It was a weekends eve,
I had sex on my breath
I was lookin for somethin to see.
With a borrowed black
Leather and my best fishin hat.
Well it was just wendy o. and me.
We called old swamp
Up on the telephone
And said we was comin on
Down to pick him up
And then, he said,
Hey swampy, me and greenyll come along -
But only if we can bring a friend.
His name is harold.
I said okay.
Now, we had a
Swamper, greeny, wendy o, stanley, harold of the rocks and me.
We hopped into my dart
And headed for the nightbreak
To see a man they call schooly d.
[...] Read more
song performed by Primus
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
Professor Nutbutters House Of Treats
Cmon kiddies gather round. whos your foremost friend in town?
From main to maple the name resounds, professor nutbutter.
Hes the one, the humble one, the barkley county prodigal son.
Here to serve only you, professor nutbutter.
At old nutbutters house of treats from jellied jams to sacks of
Sweets,
Theres creamy and nutatious spreads for all.
Chemist, master of entomology the professor for a modest fee
Will cure what ails you, guaranteed professor nutbutter.
Its alright, dont fear the worm.
Cmon kiddies dont be shy be youthful til the day you die.
The man the myth, the magic of professor nutbutter.
Hes the one the only one the meeklybville prodigal son.
Here to help us with ourselves, professor nutbutter
Its alright to fear the worm.
[its all right to fear the worm. the worm, the worm is our friend.
Um, but not all of the properties of the worm can be, uh, fully,
Fully, well, appreciated by the, uh, the human body itself, but, um
Its, its, its, its ok to, to fear the worm. um, i, myself, have
Had no, uh, problems with the worm but in a certain situation, uh, i
[...] Read more
song performed by Primus
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
Restin Bones
Came up on a worried man, asked him if he had a light.
He reached on down, dug in his shoe, figured in his sock he might.
He asked if he could come and join, at what we was partakin in.
I says,ol soul if you got a match, you also got yourself a friend.
The smoke drew hard but laid in good, the neon gave us extra shine.
We passed around a flask of knockando, and a half litre bottle of wine.
The worried man dropped down to his knees, and let out with a somber groan.
He looked up to me and when I asked, he said,Im just restin my bones.
I looked down at him, and him up at me, then a smile rose above his chin.
He grabbed me by the arm and pulled me down, said, listen to me now my friend.
When I was your age I did it all, more than many men could do,
Now my possessions are the ones I wear on my back, and this lighter I keep in my shoe.
Thats why Im restin my bones.
Im restin my bones for the times I fell, fell and hit myself on the ground.
Restin my bones for the loneliness, of being the only genius around.
Im restin my bones for prosperity, in hopes that itll do me some good.
Im restin bones from amphetamines, see they turned teeth to balsa wood.
Im restin bones for johnny cash, cause for me and mine hes wearin black.
Ill be restin my bones for elvis, I seen him last week at the track.
If Im restin bones and you come along, just try and tippy toe on by.
[...] Read more
song performed by Primus
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
Amos Moses
Amos Moses was a Cajun.
And lived by himself in the swamp
Hunting alligator for a living.
Knock 'em on the head with a stump
The Louisiana law's gonna get you, Amos
It ain't legal hunting alligator down in the swamp, boy
Now everybody blamed his old man
for raising him mean as a snake
When Amos Moses was a boy,
his Daddy would use him as alligator bait
Tie a rope around his waist,
throw him in the swamp
Alligator bait on the Louisiana bayou
Just about 45 minutes
southeast of Tipidow, Louisiana
There lived a man called Duck Bill Sam
and his pretty wife Hannah
They raised up a son that could
eat up his weight in groceries
Named him after a man of the cloth.
[...] Read more
song performed by Primus
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
Poetry & Prose
I aint one for poetry, aint one for prose. aint one for the scent of a sping-time rose.
But the is one face that I do know, I sure get a kick out of that beavis and butt-head show.
Other day I turn my tv on, and guess what I do see?
Two crazy-ass cartoon sunsabitches staring on back at me.
Said what the hells this, and ler said boy, dont you know?
The whole worlds gone crazy over that there beavis and butt-head show.
Talk about couch fishing, now I could go for that.
I could go for frog baseball, but I be inclined to use a cat!
On comedy, Im a stooges man. I like larry, curly and moe.
But now and then a get a chuckle watchin the beavis and butt-head show.
Stone-temple pearlvana chain, now theres a helluva band.
They got that original sound thats sweepin cross the land.
Aint no zz top though, now thats the band for me.
If I had my way mtvd play just them and ac/dc.
I aint nothing special, Im your average kinda man.
I like a frosted barley pop and I drink em outta the can!
I dont give a rats ass about poetry and not a damn bout prose.
I sure get a kick outta them beavis and butt-head shows.
Butthead: hey beavis...
Beavis: what?
[...] Read more
song performed by Primus
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
Poetry And Prose
I ain't one for poetry, aint' one for prose. Ain't one for the scent of a sping-time rose.
But the is one face that I do know, I sure get a kick out of that Beavis and Butt-head show.
Other day I turn my TV on, and guess what I do see?
Two crazy-ass cartoon sunsabitches staring on back at me.
Said "What the hell's this", and Ler said "Boy, dont' you know?"
The whole world's gone crazy over that there Beavis and Butt-head show.
Talk about couch fishing, now I could go for that.
I could go for frog baseball, but I be inclined to use a cat!
On Comedy, I'm a stooges man. I like Larry, Curly and Moe.
But now and then a get a chuckle watchin' the Beavis and Butt-head show.
Stone-Temple Pearlvana Chain, now there's a helluva band.
They got that original sound that's sweepin' 'cross the land.
Ain't no ZZ Top though, now that's the band for me.
If I had my way MTV'd play just them and AC/DC.
I ain't nothing special, I'm your average kinda man.
I like a frosted barley pop and I drink 'em outta the can!
I don't give a rat's ass about poetry and not a damn 'bout prose.
I sure get a kick outta them Beavis and Butt-head shows.
Butthead: "Hey Beavis..."
Beavis: "What?"
[...] Read more
song performed by Primus
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!