Hats Off
When I was born, the doc he held me by my ankles
Smacked my red behind.
They hosed me down, wrapped me like a bean burrito
Then marked the date and time.
Hats off, to the ones that string the beads together
And keep the ducks in line.
Hats off to all the ones that stood before me
And taught a fool to rhyme.
At thirteen, I made myself a motion picture
Out of lumps of clay.
At fourteen, I pulled some weeds and bought a four string
Taught myself to play.
At seventeen, Id get naked with a beauty queen
At the hot tub zone.
At nineteen, she was livin hard and snortin drugs
That decayed her bones.
Hats off to the ones that put it all together
And keep their ducks in line.
Hats off to all the ones that erred before me
And taught me how to survive.
song performed by Primus
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
Nature Boy
I pull the blinds then I take my clothes off
Dance around the house like nature boy
My genitalia and pectoral muscles arent quite what I would like them to be
But you dont see me
No one can see me
I pull my blinds
Fill out my income tax form
Pen in hand I write so legibly
I have my kitty. his name is allowishus, I stroke him
But you dont see me
No one should see me
I pull the blinds
For the sun glares off my tele and I find it quite so irritating
I have my videos-loads of ren and stimpy
Bottom-a bit of pornography
But you dont see me
No one should see me
--
? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
Ive been persecuted since I sailed in through the door!
[...] Read more
song performed by Primus
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
The Ol' Diamondback Sturgeon (Fisherman's Chronicles, Part 3)
The old diamondback sturgeon came swimmin' along
Minding his business one day
Rooting and sniffing and urging to spawn
In the mud flats of San Pablo Bay
A scent came around so he followed his snout
He found what was to his surprise
A golden morsel, a tidbit, a tight bunch of grass shrimp
Was there right before this buck's eyes
He circle round twice and he took a big whiff
Then sucked up this savory meal
Then came a jolt and to the diamondback's surprise
Through his lips cut the cold, barbed steel
In a panic the old diamondback sped to the north
He sped to the east, west and south
But the harder he swam, he still could not break free
From the tugging that pulled at his mouth
The old diamondback sturgeon came swimmin' along
Minding his business one day
song performed by Primus
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
The Ol' Diamond Back Sturgeon
The old diamondback sturgeon came swimmin' along
Minding his business one day
Rooting and sniffing and urging to spawn
In the mud flats of san pablo bay
A scent came around so he followed his snout
He found what was to his surprise
A golden morsel, a tidbit, a tight bunch of grass shrimp
Was there right before this buck's eyes
He circle round twice and he took a big whiff
Then sucked up this savory meal
Then came a jolt and to the diamondback's surprise
Through his lips cut the cold, barbed steel
In a panic the old diamondback sped to the north
He sped to the east, west and south
But the harder he swam, he still could not break free
From the "tugging" that pulled at his mouth
The old diamondback sturgeon came swimmin' along
Minding his business one day
song performed by Primus
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
Kallamazoo
A b c d e f g h I gotta gal wears her toenails long.
Drives a red barracuda, singin meat packer songs
And she aint from kalamazoo.
A b c d e f g h I gotta friend lived in a mercedes-benz.
Then a 55 chrysler where the trunk never ends/
And the plates say kalamazoo.
He had a steady job and watched what he spent.
Hed say I dont believe in payin no goddamn rent.
Ill squirrel away every goddamn cent
And buy my own damn house in kalamazoo.
I knew a guy that mangled his hand,
And he went from pipe fittin to a hot dog stand.
They say last year he cleared fifty grand
Selling dogs round kalamazoo.
She turned to the world with a bastard child.
Said, I just cant handle him hes too damn wild.
But the years and the liquor have made him mild.
And he lays around in kalamazoo.
song performed by Primus
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
Kalamazoo
A B C D E F G H I gotta' gal wears her toenails long.
Drives a red Barracuda, singin' meat packer songs
And she ain't from Kalamazoo.
A B C D E F G H I gotta' friend lived in a Mercedes-Benz.
Then a 55 Chrysler where the trunk never ends/
And the plates say Kalamazoo.
He had a steady job and watched what he spent.
He'd say I don't believe in payin' no goddamn rent.
I'll squirrel away every goddamn cent
and buy my own damn house in Kalamazoo.
I knew a guy that mangled his hand,
and he went from pipe fittin' to a hot dog stand.
They say last year he cleared fifty grand
selling dogs round Kalamazoo.
She turned to the world with a bastard child.
Said, "I just can't handle him he's too damn wild".
But the years and the liquor have made him mild.
And he lays around in Kalamazoo.
song performed by Primus
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
De Anza Jig
Oh I can still remember
Jenny hernando
She was my little lovely one
When I was seventeen.
I remember the day that she
Gave me her viriginity
And then she gave it to everyone
In our vicinity.
Oh I can still remember
Julie tolentino
The dancing filipino
We used to run around.
Her and flouncin freddy
Were going hot and steady.
Now she runs a dyke bar,
The biggest one in town.
I can still remember my
Old friend todd squelati
I watching him snort a
Milkshake right up his nose.
[...] Read more
song performed by Primus
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
Welcome To This World
Oh, welcome to this world of fools
Of pink champagne and swimming pools
Well, all you have to lose is your virginity
Perhaps well have some fun tonight so stick around and take a bite of life
We dont need feebleness in this proximity
Ask good macduff and donalbain, so many good ideas are slain
By those who would dare not step out of line
But if I have my way tonight and chances are I think I might-
Ill turn those sour minds to grapes of wine
Chorus
Welcome to this world
Dont judge the boy by what you hear
The words are heard beyond the ear
The heart and mind are focus for this conversation
But be abound in mystery for that so much you do to me
For there are those who drown in adulation
Chorus
If I had a dime for each time that I heard them preach
Well Id have wicked thoughts upon my brain
song performed by Primus
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
Fish On
Felt a pang late one afternoon
I was fishin' off muir beach
With larry lalonde
Grabbed a tuna salad sandwich
And i started to chew
Pretty soon ler's yellin
Fish on. fish on
I was just a little pup
And it was derby day
Was dad and me and darrell
Out in san pablo bay
Taco flavored doritos
And my orange life vest
Dad caught a hundred pound sturgeon
On twenty-pound test
Now he fought that fish for an hour
And a half
Darrell'd say "jump ya sons a bitch!"
And he grabbed for the gaff
When we got him in the boat
[...] Read more
song performed by Primus
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
Ballad Of Bodacious
Bodacious am a whole lotta' bull
over nineteen hundred pounds.
He's born in Galry, Oklahoma
and he's the baddest sonsabitch around
if a Burma bull ever were a super star
then Bodacious just might be.
He's a cream colored, beefy brawn,
full-fledged, four footed bovine celebrity.
Who's gonna ride Bodacious?
Who's gonna tame him down?
Look out for Bodacious, he's bound to hold his ground.
Here comes Bodacious, ya'll just step aside.
Big and bad Bodacious takes a toll from those who ride.
Young Bo met a man named Tuff Hedeman
at the start of his buckin' spree
and Tuff became one of the few to make the whistle
back in Nineteen Ninety Three.
Tuff tried to ride Bo again at the finals
in Nineteen Ninety Five.
Bodacious had got a little older and wiser
[...] Read more
song performed by Primus
Added by Lucian Velea
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!