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Kinky Friedman

Catfish

(bob dylan, jacques levy)
Lazy stadium night,
Catfish on the mound.
strike three, the umpire said,
Batter have to go back and sit down.
Catfish, million dollar man.
Nobody can throw the ball like catfish can.
Used to work on mr. finleys farm
But the old man would not pay.
So he packed his glove and took his arm
And one day he just ran away.
Catfish, million dollar man.
Nobody can throw that ball like catfish can.
Way up where the yankees are
Smoke a custom made cigar.
Catfish, million dollar man.
Nobody can throw that ball like catfish can.
Reggie jackson at the plate
Seeing nothing but the curve.
Swing too early or too late,

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Ol Ben Lucas

(kinky friedman)
Ol ben lucas had a lot of mucus
Comin right out of his nose.
He picked and picked till it made you sick
But back again it grows.
Well, ol ben lucas had a lot of mucus
Comin right out of his nose.
He picked and picked till it made you sick,
But back again it grows.
When its cotton picking time in texas,
Boys, its booger picking time for ben.
Hed raise that finger mean and hostile
Stick it in that waitin nostril,
Here he comes with a green one once again.
All right, pick it, eric!
Ol ben lucas had a lot of mucus
Comin right out of his nose.
He picked and picked till it made you sick,
But back again it grows.
Everybody!

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Are You Sure Hank Done It This Way ?

(waylon jennings)
Lord, its the same old tune
Fiddle and guitar
Where do you take it from here ?
Rhinestone suits, new shiny cars,
Its been the same way for years.
We need a change.
Somebody told me when I came to nashville,
son, you finally got it made!
Old hank made it here, we all should do it our way
I dont think hank done it this way,
No, I dont think hank done it this way.
Ten years on the road making one-night stands
Spitting my young life away.
Tell me one more time so Ill understand
Are you sure hank done it this way ?
Did old hank really did it this way ?
Lord, Ive seen the world with a five-piece band
Looking at the back side of me
Singing my songs one hears now and then

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Mens Room, L. A.

(buck fowler)
I saw a picture yesterday
In a mens room near l.a.
Lying on the floor beside the throne.
Had I not recognized the cross
I might have failed to know the boss,
I thought, lord, you look neglected and alone.
I picked it up with lovin care,
I wondered who had placed it there,
When l saw there was no paper on the roll.
I said, lord, what would you do
If you were me and I was you,
Take a chance, save your pants or your soul ?
Then a voice said,
kinky, its jesus here, you know that I aint no square.
Well, Ive got these pictures of me,
I mean statues, you know theyre everywhere.
Well, I may seem I come from liverpool,
And then on the other hand I may come from france,
But if you dont get off that toilet, well Im just gonna have to dance.

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When The Lord Closes The Door (He Opens A Little Window)

(kinky friedman & jeff shelby)
When I find myself alone in my house and in my head
And I blow the candles out and I take myself to bed
And Im old enough to realize, ah, young enough to know
When the lord closes the door, he opens a little window.
When sleep closes my eyes and sends me searching for you
And Im feelin blue as the sky without your love to carry me through
And Im weak enough to be afraid but strong enough to let it show.
When the lord closes the door, he opens a little window.
Baby Im a gypsy boy, Ill ride the night until
I come to you like moonlight through your raggle-taggle window sill.
When you find yourself alone in your house and in your head
And you blow the candles out and you take yourself to bed
And youre old enough to realize, ah, young enough to know
When the lord closes the door, he opens a little window.

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When The Lord Closes The Door

(kinky friedman & jeff shelby)
When i find myself alone in my house and in my head
And i blow the candles out and i take myself to bed
And i'm old enough to realize, ah, young enough to know
When the lord closes the door, he opens a little window.
When sleep closes my eyes and sends me searching for you
And i'm feelin' blue as the sky without your love to carry me through
And i'm weak enough to be afraid but strong enough to let it show.
When the lord closes the door, he opens a little window.
Baby i'm a gypsy boy, i'll ride the night until
I come to you like moonlight through your raggle-taggle window sill.
When you find yourself alone in your house and in your head
And you blow the candles out and you take yourself to bed
And you're old enough to realize, ah, young enough to know
When the lord closes the door, he opens a little window.

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Before All Hell Breaks Loose

(kinky friedman)
Time to resign from the human race
Wipe those tears from your lovely face
Baby, wave to the man in the ol red caboose
Before all hell breaks loose.
Before you go I wish youd come
Before you leave wish youd love me some.
Ill give you all of the dreams you can use
Before all hell breaks loose.
All right!
Now I know what the gypsy meant
When he told me Id never be president.
He said, adopt a korean, kill you a moose
Before all hell breaks loose.
You poked fun at my cowboy shoes,
You said they looked just like big canoes.
Now its time for the chosen ones to choose
Before all hell breaks loose.
Turn out the lights, honey, turn on the news
God save the queen and the kangaroos

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Wild Man From Borneo

(kinky friedman)
I'm the star of captain midnite's travelin' show
Came to this circus many moons ago.
My mother's in your storybooks, she loved a jungle king,
Left me standin' here alone inside the center ring.
In a bamboo cage i crossed the ragin' sea,
A livin' page torn clean from history.
A hairy, scary, legendary screamin' souvenir,
Now don't you come too close to me, don't you come too near.
I'm the wild man from borneo,
The wild man from borneo.
You come to see what you wanna see,
Ah, you come to see but you never come to know.
The tattooed lady left the circus train
Lost all of her pictures in the rain.
I wonder if you're happy, i wonder if you're free
I wonder if you'll ever know the mark you left on me.
I'm the wild man from borneo, the wild man.
You come to see what you wanna see,
Ah, you come to see but you never come to know.

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Somethins Wrong With The Beaver

(kinky friedman & panama red)
She climbed the stairs that mornin
Found him rather pale
His eyes they were the color
Of half-drunk ginger ale.
Faithful as a magnavox
Hung-up on a song
She cried down to the breakfast nook,
ward, theres something wrong.
Somethins wrong with the beaver
Somethins wrong with the beaver
Somethins wrong with the beaver
The beaver I believe-uh is gone.
Beaver was a dreamer,
Never got it right.
Died in livin color,
Lived in black an white.
Faithful as a magnavox
Hung-up on a song
She cries down to the breakfast nook,

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Asshole From El Paso

(chinga chavin, kenny snakebite jacobs)
We dont have no lovins in el paso
We dont go to porno picture shows
We dont swap our wives with our neighbors
And we keep our kids away from mexico.
And Im proud to be an asshole from el paso
A place where sweet young virgins are deflowered.
You walk down the street knee-deep in tacos
Ta-ta-ta-tacos
And the wetbacks still get twenty cents an hour.
We dont wipe our asses on old glory,
God and lone star beer are things we trust.
We keep our women virgins till theyre married
So hosin sheep is good enough for us.
And Im proud to be an asshole from el paso
A place where sweet young virgins are deflowered.
You walk down the street knee-deep in tacos
Ta-ta-ta-tacos
And the wetbacks still get twenty cents an hour.
Im proud to be an asshole from el paso

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