Homo Erectus
(kinky friedman & panama red)
I left barber college
Searchin for knowledge,
Went to the university.
I must confess, sir
This lady professor
She turned me on to anthropology.
Now Im a homo erectus
Got to connect this
Bone that I discovered yesterday.
Tyrannosaurus
Lived in the forest,
Died because its heart got in the way.
Dear doctor howard
Come down from your tower
And join me for lunch at the y.
Although youre thirty
I still think youre pretty
Lets give it that good ole college try.
cause Im a homo erectus
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song performed by Kinky Friedman
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Get Your Biscuits In The Oven & Your Buns In The Bed
(kinky friedman)
You uppity women I dont understand
Why you gotta go and try to act like a man,
But before you make your weekly visit to the shrink
Youd better occupy the kitchen, liberate the sink.
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed
Thats what I to my baby said,
Womens liberation is a-going to your head,
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed.
Early every morning youre out on the street
Passing out pamphlets to everyone you meet.
You gave up your maiden form for lent
And now the front of your dress has an air scoop vent.
Every single brakeman thats ever come along
Had a little woman always tellin him that hes wrong.
Eve said to adam, heres an apple you horse
And delilah defoliated samsons moss.
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed
Thats what I to my baby said,
Womens liberation is a-going to your head,
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song performed by Kinky Friedman
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People Who Read People Magazine
(kinky friedman)
Well, Im here to say I got turned away from studio 54
Back to neon lights and lonely nights and saw-dust on the floor
And if she ever loved me, she dont love me anymore,
And if anyone should ask me, heres who Im singing for:
For the people who read people magazine,
For the soap opera lovers, for the home-town bowling team,
For everybody everywhere whos ever lost a dream,
For the people who read people who read people magazine.
Now if youre too new york for texas, too texas for l.a.
You been chasing trends like rainbow ends but youre always just a song away
And if the white house wouldnt have ya, play in every little honky-tonk and bar
The good lord made the heavens, ah but he never made a star.
No, its the people who read people magazine,
Its the soap opera lovers, its the home-town bowling team,
Its everybody everywhere whos ever lost a dream,
For the people who read people who read people magazine.
And to tell you the truth this telephone booth gets lonesome in the rain,
But son, Im 21 in nashville and Im 43 in maine.
And when your mama gets home, would you tell her I phoned, itd take a life-time to explain
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song performed by Kinky Friedman
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Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed
(Kinky Friedman)
You uppity women I don't understand
Why you gotta go and try to act like a man,
But before you make your weekly visit to the shrink
You'd better occupy the kitchen, liberate the sink.
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed
That's what I to my baby said,
Women's liberation is a-going to your head,
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed.
Early every morning you're out on the street
Passing out pamphlets to everyone you meet.
You gave up your Maiden Form for Lent
And now the front of your dress has an air scoop vent.
Every single brakeman that's ever come along
Had a little woman always tellin' him that he's wrong.
Eve said to Adam, ?Here's an apple you horse?
And Delilah defoliated Samson's moss.
Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed
That's what I to my baby said,
Women's liberation is a-going to your head,
[...] Read more
song performed by Kinky Friedman
Added by Lucian Velea
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People Who Read People Magazin
(Kinky Friedman)
Well, I'm here to say I got turned away from Studio 54
Back to neon lights and lonely nights and saw-dust on the floor
And if she ever loved me, she don't love me anymore,
And if anyone should ask me, here's who I'm singing for:
For the people who read People Magazine,
For the soap opera lovers, for the home-town bowling team,
For everybody everywhere who's ever lost a dream,
For the people who read people who read People Magazine.
Now if you're too New York for Texas, too Texas for L.A.
You been chasing trends like rainbow ends but you're always just a song away
And if the White House wouldn't have ya, play in every little honky-tonk and bar
The good Lord made the Heavens, ah but He never made a star.
No, its the people who read People Magazine,
It's the soap opera lovers, its the home-town bowling team,
It's everybody everywhere who's ever lost a dream,
For the people who read people who read People Magazine.
And to tell you the truth this telephone booth gets lonesome in the rain,
But son, I'm 21 in Nashville and I'm 43 in Maine.
And when your mama gets home, would you tell her I phoned, it'd take a life-time to explain
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song performed by Kinky Friedman
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Twirl
(kinky friedman)
Just a small-town girl
Till you learned to twirl
Then you set the world on fire
Like a drive-in cinderella
In a chevy named desire
So leave your teddy-bear
At the county fair,
Honey, hollywoods on the phone,
For a small-town girl
From a small-town world
Youre a long, long way from home.
They say that dreams come true in indiana
That momma loves you up in abilene,
And if you wish upon a star in texarkana
Some day you may be a twirling queen.
Just a small-town girl
Till you learned to twirl
Then you set the world on fire
Like a drive-in cinderella
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song performed by Kinky Friedman
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High On Jesus
(kinky friedman)
Walking down division street
I happened on to meet
A stranger with a package in his hand.
He said, mister, if you follow me
Rainbow colors you will see,
Ill take your head into the promised land.
friend, I dont need your stuff,
My jesus is enough.
You see them colors bright,
Why cant you see the light ?
Lets get high on jesus, high on jesus,
I believe that he was here in town.
Flying high on jesus, high on jesus,
Im so high Im never coming down.
One man buys a nickel sack,
Another buys a cadillac,
They both think they will drive their cares away.
But neither thinks to lend a hand
To help his struggling fellow man,
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song performed by Kinky Friedman
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Carryin' The Torch
Did I hear you say you wished that you could leave her?
Has some foolish disagreement made you blind ?
If you traveled round this world, you wouldn't find another girl
To hold the candle to the guy you left behind.
And boy, she's carrying the torch for you
Though solid tears may fall, you never know.
But on the day that you discover how much you really love her
You'll find her love has never lost its glow.
She believed ya when you pledged her your devotion
When she watched you as you walked right out the door.
After all that she's been through tonight she still believes in you
As she stands there all alone upon the shore.
And boy, she's carrying the torch for you,
Though her heart may break, you never know.
But on the day that you discover how much you really love her
You'll find her love has never lost its glow.
You know, I still remember the first time I ever saw her.
You see, I was coming home from overseas,
And well, she was just standing there as the ship was comin' in.
Well, she really stood out from the crowd, I can tell you that.
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song performed by Kinky Friedman, music by Kinky Friedman
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The Gospel Accordin To John
(kinky friedman, roger friedman)
He was just an old-time preacher on the ol time radio
But they never learn to listen till they lived enough to know.
I used to walk out on that porch when mamad turn the durn thing on
To the gospel accordin to john.
Her mail-order prayer shawl fell across her silver hair,
Her sad eyes saw a better world when john came on the air.
Mama had someone to turn to she was rockin all night long
To the gospel accordin to john.
You see, she was a blind believer in johns Bible beatin game.
Hed heal em, wheel em, deal em, bless em in heavens name.
Onward christian soldiers, just a dollar and a half
Buys a photo of jesus with an autograph.
And jesus was a-watching from the table by the door
When that rockin chair grew silent and that shawl fell to the floor.
I walked out on that porch because I couldnt find a prayer
When a kindly voice come a-cracklin cross the air.
Said, folks, them righteous times are comin, I say, theyre comin right on back.
You can hop that gospel train, he said, from both sides of the track.
Some people prayin, keep a-listenin, keep a-helpin out the show,
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song performed by Kinky Friedman
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Ballad Of Ira Hayes
(Peter LaFarge)
Gather round me people and a story I will tell
?Bout a brave young Indian lad, you should remember well,
From a tribe of Pima Indians, a proud and peaceful band
Who farmed the Phoenix Valley out in Arizona land.
Down their ditches for a thousand years the sparkling water rushed
Till the white man stole the water rights and the running water hushed.
Ira's folks was hungry, their fields grew thick with weeds,
But when war came Ira volunteered and forgot the white man's greed.
Call him drunken Ira Hayes, he won't answer anymore,
Not that whiskey drinking Indian or Marine who went to war.
Well, they battled up Iwo Jima Hill, two hundred and fifty men
But only twenty-seven lived to walk back down again.
And after the fight was over and Old Glory proudly raised,
Among the men who held her high was an Indian, Ira Hayes.
Call him drunken Ira Hayes, he won't answer anymore,
Not that whiskey drinking Indian or Marine who went to war.
Well, Ira Hayes returned a hero, celebrated throughout the land,
He was wined and speeched and honored, everybody shook his hand.
But he's just a Pima Indian, no food, no friend, no chance,
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song performed by Kinky Friedman
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